………*Blink blink* ……….*Blink*………..*Blink Blink*………..*Blink*………. After sitting here and thinking for practically half an hour I have come to a conclusion……..its really hot today…….the weather is hot and humid and one has no other choice but to sit and blink and once in a while…..*sigh*………. I had something specific in mind when I woke up in the morning related to the blog. Somewhat like a plan of action…….what to write…….what words to use…….how to end it………blah blah blah………..and all I got down to doing was sitting here and blinking and staring at the screen……!!
However the journey from having my plan in mind to sitting here aimlessly and looking at the screen was not easy. Nope not at all. I had to firstly get out of bed………not the most appealing situation…….I hate doing so……..specially when I have something to do………if I had to wake up in the morning and sit around I wouldnt mind waking up but today I had this blog to take care of and a certain other things…….hence I got out of bed grumbling away about life in general and after the general routine of getting into shape after an ugly entrance into the bathroom, I came out with alot of zeal. Yes today was the day I was going to start my new blog venture. I, the wanna be rockstar vet, shall rule Blog Land!!!!! Be scared……..very scared…..!!! I  came out of my room looking like a woman on a mission and yes that indeed I was. There was no stopping me!! It was me and the blog…..!! It was the biggest moment in the history of my looooooserish life. I was going to take the plunge into this world unknown to me and I fully planned to conquer it!! I was going to be the Queen……..and I was going to rule!!!
    Now picture this………I come out of the room thinking of myself something like Xena the warrior princess………maybe with a bit more clothing on but it was the mind set I was referring to. I come out………swing my “dupatta” like Xena would do to her cape………and put my right foot forward and started my journey towards “Blog World”.
   “Baaji!! Baaji!” Uuuuurrrrmmmmm……..I hear a voice calling me…….I turn around to see my maid sweeping the floor and smiling at me. (Does she not know who shes talking to………doesnt she know I am on a mission) .
   ” Haan bolo kya hai ” I say with my head up high and a bit tilted much like a Queen.
   ” Baaji aap ja kay lounge mein baith jao light nai hai aur wahan UPS ki light se fan toh chaley ga warna kahan garmi mein baitho gi”………
 *Blink blink……………blink……………….blink blink*
 No wonderrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr when I woke up I was feeling grumpy……..little did I notice the AC was off and the fan was creaking at an extremely slow speed. The electricity!!!!!!!!
   And hence for an hour or two I just sat in the lounge and here I am………now……….after sitting for a good amount of time, staring all around the lounge, staring out the window, staring into my cup of tea…………….and hence………….losing all I had in mind for today’s great venture…….!! This is indeed my first blog post as the wannabe rockstar vet……….!!!

Frog Attack

Most people, at least those that I know of, go to the bathroom for inner peace; peace of mind. Okay, for bowel peace.

I have quite a few reasons:

1)      I have a shunt – and thus I tend to pee a lot; it’s a CSF thing (yes Upsi, I plead disability)

2)      To shit

3)      To smoke – I cant smoke in the rest of the house during normal hours as I don’t want my father to find out I smoke

4)      To get away from the family.

5)      To get away from my nagging roommate, a.k.a. ‘princess’ – she means well, it is just that I am a slob.

Now, frogs implanted my initial hatred for Lahore and the province Punjab overall. Yes, frogs.  Fucking frogs. They were everywhere. Moreover, most annoying of all, they appeared in the bathroom.

A few years back, I recall sitting on the throne with an Archie Comic and I got that feeling… the feeling you get when you know someone is watching you for sure. I was sure no one was looking ‘into’ the bathroom, which resembled a bloody prison cell, and just for the sake of it, I opened my legs and ahem, looked down, and thinking that maybe something had crawled up or in the toilet bowl. And shocker of shocks! A frog the size of my bloody palm leaped from between my legs! Of course, not thinking about my hygiene I ran out from the bathroom (sans the comic book, duh).

Well, that is the first time I saw a frog. Then the houseguests were to inform me, that the house, as well as all the bathrooms, was full of the jumping amphibians. My cousins took sheer joy in picking one up, holding them in their palms and giggling as they urinate. Its just pathetic how you come about to learn the defense mechanism of a frog.

I would also like to add here, you can choose your friends but not your family. That is just a gloomy realization. Something you cannot do much about. Especially when the frog is urinating on your ‘greatest’ bully of a cousin’s palm. Dazzling sight.

Anyhow, moving beyond the ugly nostalgia and back to the reason for this post.

A few days back I heard that there were frogs in the garden. I was reminded of Lahore, Punjabis and of course my solace; the bathroom. My green-thumbed mother brushed me off when I asked her to get them killed or something. She said it was a ‘healthy’ sign for the garden. Not for me.

Next, as it was bound to happen, the green jimeros were in the car park. I controlled my self (I have ‘rage’ issues).

Now, ladies and gentlemen, THEY ARE IN MY FUCKING BATHROOM!!! First, I thought they were bloody cockroaches, but no, three, not one, but three jumping frogs were frolicking and doing GOD KNOWS WHAT behind the washbasin! I was settled on my throne, with my freshly lit cigarette, and Khushwant Singh joke book (vol.5 if anyone is interested) away from the miserable life outside the bathroom door and I saw some life in the bathroom. I mean other than my pseudo self. I put on my glasses, looked closely, and after confirming that they were not cockroaches, I yelled, THESE FUCKING PUNJABI FROGS ARE NOW IN THE BATHROOM! ‘PRINCESS!!!

‘Princess’, by the way, did not bother to respond. She thought I was just laughing at another one of the jokes from the book and wanted to share one with her. Family.

Princess is not her real name, but I just think it suits her more than her real name. She acts like one.

This time I did take sufficient care of my hygiene before leaving the bathroom.

By the way, Mortien and Bay-gon does not work on them (the frogs). I think it is just like ecstasy or speed for them because they were jumping some more.

That was my loser moment ‘Number 1” of the week.

Croak.

Hello world!